I
Agree
Friday, April 29, 2005 |
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Most days I come in contact with several
people in a variety of situations; and more often than not, I
usually am pretty agreeable. So
naturally, I was intrigued when I saw the book, The Four Agreements,
a Toltec Wisdom Book, written by Don Miguel
Ruiz.
Book Source: (Amber-Allen Publishing Co, Inc. © 1997)
It’s now my favorite little book with
a big message; I recommend it to everyone.
Little did I know that it would change the way I looked at life,
the people in it and how I reacted to
them. I thought, “Hmm, only FOUR agreements? I can agree to most things, so four won’t be that
tough.” Later, I would tell myself, “Think
again!”
The first agreement caught me by
surprise,
Be Impeccable with Your Word.
I wondered, “What does that
mean?” Reading on, Don Miguel explains that, “This
is the most important one and the most difficult to honor. It sounds very
simple, but is very, very
powerful.” He points out that you must, “Speak with
integrity.
Say only what
you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself
or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of
truth and love.”
So, let’s say I get dressed up to go
out to eat with my girlfriends (I even blow dry my hair); and my
friend says, “You look really tired, has your baby been waking up at night
again?” Well, my first response might be…well,
you can imagine. Instead, I go on to agreement
#2 where the comment should roll right off my
back!
Looking at everyday human interactions,
imagine how many times we’ve hurt each other with our
words.”
The second agreement is my favorite,
it’s my motto and how I get through my days, Don’t Take Anything Personally. Being a
wife, mother, daughter, sister, television
producer or writer comes with its share of unintended criticism from every
direction. “What do you mean,
dinner’s not ready?” or “I’m sad at you, mommy!”
or even, “We are going to pass on your
business proposal at this time” (if
you’re lucky enough to get a response!).
If I took all or any of
this personally, I would be a wreck!
Don Ruiz explains that, “Nothing other
people do is because of you. It is because of
themselves. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you
directly, it has nothing to do with
you…the person is dealing with their own feelings, beliefs
and opinions.” I like the phrase he uses,
“You eat all their emotional
garbage, and now it becomes your garbage.”
Well said, Mr. Ruiz, now dinner is on the
table and I’ll take out the trash!
The third agreement is my biggest
fault, Don’t Make Assumptions. Who
doesn’t?
Let’s say, all of your friends are
invited to a party and you’re not! What are you
supposed to think? Not
logically, you’re feelings are hurt, mine would be too.
You see, according to Mr. Ruiz,
“The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are truth. We make assumptions about what others are
doing or thinking—we take it
personally—then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison
with our word (out of hurt or pain)…We
end up creating a whole big drama for
nothing.”
So next time, find the courage to ask
questions and to express what you really want and find out
the reason why you weren’t invited to the party.
With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your
life!
There’s just one more agreement, but
it’s the one that allows the other three to become deeply
ingrained habits. The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three,
Always Do Your
Best. Don Ruiz reminds us, “Under any circumstance, always do
your best, no more and no less. But keep
in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one
moment to the next. But if you do less than your best, you subject yourself to
frustrations, self-judgment, guilt and
regrets.”
After I read this section I noticed little
changes in my behavior. I couldn’t walk past a piece of
paper on the floor and not pick it up (something I think mothers already do
naturally, even in their sleep!), I paid
extra attention to small details on projects and I
especially noticed when others would
slack off and not do what I thought was their best.
I know this is breaking the other
agreements, but when you’re “Always Doing Your Best” (or at least trying
to) sometimes it’s frustrating to see
others sitting on their duff, not lending a hand. But that’s
assuming the slackers are not
doing their best; maybe they had a bad day and to do their
best would be to rest!
Four simple life rules to live by that will
change the way you look at things... I’m
assuming you know that I’m doing my
best to communicate this message and I won’t
take it personally if you
don’t prefer it!
Life is Good!
Book Source: (Amber-Allen Publishing Co,
Inc. © 1997)
"Living is easy with
eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see"
--John Lennon
Truly,
Beth
Aldrich
Help us grow!! Pass us on to a
friend.
We welcome your story or ideas for
a future FHI Connection!
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