 |
 Every
weekday evening, as the clock strikes 6 o’clock, family
chore wheels around the world simultaneously kick into gear.
More and more parents are dedicated to sharing equally in
their family responsibilities and they each deserve a super-hero
cape and a pat on the back, whether for helping the kids with
their homework or making dinner at the end of another long
day. Unfortunately, it’s easy to become so immersed in
these routines that all too often, people simply forget to
appreciate their partner’s efforts. Perhaps they think,
“Playing with the kids, that’s no chore.” Or,
“lasagna again? We had that last week.” Or, maybe
busy parents are overly conditioned to their respective duties
and consider these tasks simply keeping up their end of the
bargain. But giving and receiving thanks is worth the extra
time and energy it takes—for our personal relationships
as well as for our children.
Showing consistent appreciation for a partner can strengthen
the bond exponentially. It’s also good for the individual.
According to Mike Robbins, author of THE GOOD STUFF: The
Power of Appreciation (Jossey-Bass, 2007), “Appreciating
your partner is one of the most important things you can do
to build trust, connection and love in your relationship.
We get more of what we pay attention to and when you tell
your partner what you love and appreciate about them you underscore
the importance of that quality or behavior, and thus get more
of it.”
Beyond that, parents that choose not to take things for granted
will inspire children to place greater value on sensitivity
and compassion in their own relationships. “As a new
father myself, I know that the best thing we can do for our
children is to model appreciation for each other and ourselves,
and fill our house with as much love and appreciation as possible.
They will ‘marinate’ in all of that love and appreciation
for 18 years (and more) and then be ready to head out into
the world filled with appreciation in their minds and hearts,”
says Robbins.
 The
best way to begin showing greater appreciation for your loved
ones is to train yourself to focus more on the positive. “Individuals
have on average 50,000 separate thoughts each day, and about
80 percent of them are negative. People focus too much attention
on what they don’t like, what annoys them, or what they
want to change about their partners, instead of on the things
they love about them. Plus, people are busy, tired and often
hard on themselves—thus making it more difficult for
them to put positive attention on their partners.”
Chore-wheelers of the world, let’s reclaim our romantic idealism!
We should always strive to be our greatest vision of ourselves
and to honor those we love best. How? Robbins shares these
words to live by:
1. Be honest and tell the truth, always;
2. Look for the good things in your partner and tell them
all the time;
3. Love and appreciate yourself—first, last and always.
Every parent’s day is filled with thousands of noteworthy
and wonderful deeds. Focusing on a handful would be a good
place to start, especially if it makes the whole family a
little more heroic.
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Ready…Set…Appreciate!
Tips from Mike Robbins
- Put post-it notes all over the house letting your
partner know what you love about them.
- Write a heartfelt thank you card or love letter and
put it in the mail for your partner (even if you live
together) and send it to them.
- Pick three NEW things each day that you appreciate
about your partner and let them know before you go to
bed at night.
- Simply look them in the eye and let them know what
you love about them, what they do that impacts your
life in a positive way, or what you would miss about
them if they were gone.
- “Create the day” with your partner. This
is an exercise from my book (my wife came up with it).
In the morning, say to your partner, “Who you are
for me today is...” and then fill in the blank
with positive qualities like loving, fun, sexy, brilliant,
or others. It is a great way to start off the day...we
do it all the time!!!
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