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Sarah Maria Dreisbach
is a body-image expert and personal empowerment coach who helps
people love their bodies no matter how they look. For more information
on body image, eating disorders, and personal empowerment please
visit Sarah Maria Dreisbach’s web site at breakfreebeauty.com.
 Is
your daughter’s weight the result of her social network?
A recent study authored by Adina Lemeshow claims that feeling
unpopular can actually lead to weight gain in girls ranging
from 12-18-years-old. The study showed that girls who perceived
themselves as “unpopular” were 69 percent more likely
to gain two points on the body mass index scale in the subsequent
years following the original survey.
The fact is, maintaining a healthy weight is not just about
food choices; it’s about self-esteem, self-worth and a healthy
emotional life. Diet is not just about what we eat but how
we feel. Healthy eating practices and nutrition are well-known
by many people, but what affects whether or not they make
healthy choices is almost always related to how they feel
about themselves and their life.
Feeling good about oneself is what allows a person to make
healthy choices. If a person feels unpopular or inadequate,
they are more likely to compensate with food. Unfortunately,
the weight gain will then increase their feelings of being
socially unpopular and unacceptable.
Conversely, when a child feels good about herself and her
friends, she is more likely to make healthy food choices,
which will help her maintain a healthy weight. Maintaining
a healthy weight can help her feel more comfortable in social
situations and with friends.
Food can often be a source of comfort and safety. When girls
feel insecure about their popularity, food is often used as
a replacement for healthy relationships.
Perhaps unpopular girls do not feel like they can gain much
from being thin, but it is also likely that food is a poor
substitute for friendships. Food feeds the body, and friendships
feed the heart. Unfortunately, when people are lacking friendships,
they use food to feed the heart, which strains the body.
If your daughter has been struggling with unwanted weight
gain, the solution may not be found in the dietary arena.
The solution may be found in the social realm.
Instead of solely focusing on what she eats, help her develop
other ways to feed her body and her soul. Here are some tips
for improving her self-esteem and helping her weight in the
process:
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Find nurturing social environments
Adolescence is a challenging time. For some, school
is a sanctuary, whereas for others it is a prison. If
your daughter doesn’t fit in with the "cool"
crowd at school, find other outlets where she can socialize.
Some ideas include theater troupes, dance lessons, yoga
classes, sports and volunteer activities. She might
not bond well with her classmates, but she can develop
wonderful friendships in other activities. New activities
and friendships will help bolster her self-esteem and
help her feel good about herself.
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Encourage yoga and meditation
Yoga and meditation are wonderful tools for helping
your daughter get in touch with her feelings and her
body. These mind-body disciplines can help her identify
and relate to her feelings instead of using food to
quell uncomfortable sensations. Learning to be more
in touch with her body and feelings will help her reduce
her stress and cope more effectively with the challenges
of adolescent life.
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Help her hone her communication skills
Communication is essential to building healthy relationships.
Help your daughter to become aware of what she is feeling
and then be able to communicate those feelings to other
people. Learning to understand and express her emotions
will serve her throughout her life. The more capable
she is of navigating her emotional life, the less need
she will have to rely on food as a source of comfort.
She will also have a greater ability to build meaningful
and lasting relationships.
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Be there for her!
Nothing can substitute for parental love and affection
during adolescence. As your daughter steers through
the teenage years, it can feel like she is pushing you
away. The fact is that she needs you more than ever.
Give her space, but don’t let her feel alone. Assure
her that you are always there to talk about anything.
Try to serve as a sounding board for her and resist
giving advice until she is ready for it. The more she
feels like she can express herself without being judged
harshly, the more likely she will be to share.
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Be willing to seek professional help if necessary
Sometimes it may be helpful for your daughter to talk
to someone who is not a member of her family. Trained
professionals, such as psychotherapists, can help identify
problematic patterns and behaviors and help your daughter
to make more effective choices in every area of her
life. Being aware of warning signs that your daughter
may be focusing too much on her weight is especially
important considering that eating disorders are now
the third most common chronic illness in adolescent
girls and have the highest death rate associated with
any mental illness. According to statistics posted by
the National Institute on Media and the Family, 53 percent
of American girls are unhappy with their bodies by age
13. That figure increases to a staggering 78 percent
by the time girls reach 17.
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Affirm her self-worth
If your daughter feels unpopular at school, you may
need to offer her extra reassurance. Receiving approval
from her parents can seem second-best to receiving it
from her peer-group, but it can make a profound impact.
Tell your daughter about her wonderful qualities; teach
her to be grateful for the wonderful and glorious person
she is. Learning how to offer her self love and support
is a skill that will serve her throughout her life.
The fact is, if you are not proactive in affirming
your daughter’s natural beauty and self-worth, chances
are she will be seduced by the cultural lies that tell
her she is not quite good enough. Fortunately, you can
show your child she is beautiful just as she is, right
now. As a parent, it is important to become an example
and show self love in your own body image. You also
have the power to discuss the concept of beauty with
your child and teach her to recognize beauty in people
of all shapes, sizes, ages and ethnicities. Most importantly,
let your child know that you love her exactly how she
is, no matter what. Encourage healthy lifestyle choices,
but avoid suggesting that your child should look a specific
way or be a certain weight or size.
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