 Recently
I made a decision that compromised a sacred relationship in
my life. I reverted to old ways of thinking, or better said,
I didn’t think before I acted, and by not doing so, my
decision created pain and sadness for me and another person.
Undoubtedly, healing will take a bit of time for both of us
involved.
That said, with the wounds still fresh over what I had done,
I chose to turn to unconditional self love. Instead of damning
myself, falling into a pit of guilt, shame or sorrow or beating
myself up for my actions, I opened my heart to myself.
In the time since the event and taking responsibility for
my actions, I have realized that I have been gifted with an
opportunity for growth that will lead me to greater awareness
and compassion for myself and the world around me. I share
this story because I believe that each of us is put on this
earth to love ourselves fully and without barriers-even in
the face of difficulty—so that we can feed our spirits
and share our authentic selves with the world.
Lesson One: Self Forgiveness
We’ve all made bad choices, decisions or mistakes in life.
If we haven’t properly dealt with them, they may haunt us
or create some type of discord within. Whether we’ve hurt
another person or ourselves, these actions can clutter our
minds, show up as pain in our bodies and infect our sacred
inner space. This prevents us from connecting with our truth
and experiencing real joy. When we beat ourselves up or hold
on to pain from the past, we are unable to focus on the beauty
of the present moment or move forward.
The first action we must take as we build a solid foundation
of self love is to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have
made. Forgiveness opens the door to acceptance and clears
our minds, bodies and souls of the toxicity of pain we have
created. When we open our hearts to forgiving our past mistakes,
we become filled with compassion and understanding.
And while forgiving frees us from whatever we are holding,
it does not mean forgetting. When we forgive in a healthy
manner, we take responsibility and learn from our mistakes.
We reinforce our inner strength and courage to make a better
choice next time.
We’ve all heard the common wisdom that we can’t give away
what we don’t have. This holds especially true with forgiveness.
When we forgive ourselves, we are more able to forgive those
who have hurt us. When we open our hearts to true unconditional
self love, we fully tap into giving that unconditional love
to others.
Lesson Two: Self Acceptance
Along with forgiveness, self acceptance allows us to grow
the garden of self love in our spirits. Acceptance helps us
make the leap from loving only the parts of ourselves that
we perceive as good to loving everything about ourselves.
Self acceptance courageously allows us to fully embrace both
the light and the dark sides that reside within each of us.
In the article “The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance”
at psychologytoday.com,
Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D writes, “When we’re self-accepting,
we’re able to embrace all facets of ourselves-not just
the positive, more “esteem-able” parts…self-acceptance
is unconditional, free of all qualification. We can recognize
our weaknesses, limitations and foibles, but this awareness
doesn’t interfere with our ability to fully accept ourselves.”
When we know ourselves, how we respond in certain situations
and what we stand for, we can begin to fully accept who we
are at the core. To truly know our strengths, weaknesses,
beliefs and motivations is to give ourselves the opportunity
to determine where we are most satisfied with our lives as
well as areas where we may need to grow.
The beauty in mastering self acceptance is that we don’t
have to do anything to start. We don’t have to change our
behaviors or alter any part of who we are. Instead, we accept
who we are right now. Once we’ve done that, we turn our attention
from negative and limiting beliefs about ourselves to positive
and uplifting self beliefs and attitudes that feed our souls.
Only when we truly accept things as they are right now can
we map out the steps we need to make for our own betterment.
As with forgiveness, nurturing self acceptance offers us
a well from which we may draw when accepting others. Whether
in our closest relationships or with those we meet in passing,
the ability to accept others’ faults, behaviors, weaknesses
or limitations allows us to let go of our expectations and
embrace the present. This opens the door to greater joy and
fulfillment in each moment we experience.
Lesson Three: Self Compassion
Where would we be without the third self love lesson of compassion?
This valuable quality provides us with another key to gaining
greater depths of awareness and love for ourselves and the
people in our world.
Dr. Kristin Neff who conducts research on the topic writes,
“Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding
toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate,
rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with
self-criticism.”
She explains that when we are self-compassionate, we treat
ourselves more gently rather than becoming angry when life
falls short of our ideals. “The more you open your heart
to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it,
the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself
and all your fellow humans in the experience of life,”
writes Neff at self-compassion.org.
While becoming more self compassionate takes a bit of mindfulness
to master, it is an activity that we can benefit from starting
today. We can begin by quieting the inner critic that we hear
from time to time. When we stop judging ourselves and instead
reinforce the ability to accept ourselves, we are well on
our way to embracing benevolence.
As we tap into the gift of inner compassion, that quality
will flow from us to others more easily. We will find that
we are more willing to open our hearts in compassionate ways
to our family, friends and loved ones, and loving behaviors,
actions and words will begin to rule our lives.
Honoring Ourselves
When we forgive ourselves for mistakes we have made, accept
who we are today and show ourselves compassion and understanding,
we demonstrate to ourselves the truth of who we are. We plant
the seeds of these qualities in our lives and that gives way
to incredible self love. As we turn from judgment, we fill
ourselves with understanding, care and humility. We honor
ourselves, and in turn, we increase the opportunity to give
what we have to others. In the quiet moments, when we sit
with ourselves, we realize our depth, our potential and the
beauty of who we are.
Cathleen McCauley believes that everything in the universe
is divinely connected. A writer for nearly seven years, she
recently began practicing massage therapy. Through massage
and the written word, her intention is to help people bring
mind, body and spiritual awareness into each day. For more
information, visit comealivemassage.com.
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