Know what you don’t want.

In determining what you want, it’s sometimes easier to start with what you definitely don’t want. Now focus on creating the opposite. Ask yourself, “Is there something I wish I did (or didn’t do) last year?” Then go from there.

Action Exercise

At the top of a piece of paper write, “What I DO NOT Want This Holiday Season.” Set a timer for one or two minutes. Keep your pen moving the whole time, and do not censor yourself. If you think it, write it down. Do you not want to feel a certain way? Do you not want to see certain people? Do you not want to spend as much money or eat a certain something? What do you wish was different last year? Write it all down now.

Determine what you do want.

Now that you know what you don’t want, do the same for what you do want. In some cases, it may be as easy as looking at your “don’t want” list and writing the opposite. In others, you may have to ask yourself, if I don’t want this, what do I want?

Action Exercise

On a separate sheet of paper write, “What I DO Want This Holiday Season.” Start with your “What I Don’t Want” list for ideas, then move on to anything else you want. Nothing is off limits. Write everything you could possibly want, including who you want to see, how you want to feel, what activities you want to spend time doing, and anything else you find in your mind’s eye.

Going forward, focus exclusively on what you want.

Now, throw out your “What I Don’t Want” list. You want to put all your energy into what you want.

Action Exercise

From the “I Want” list pick your top five to seven priorities and write out why you want each one. Why is it important that you experience this over the holidays? Why is it a priority? Perhaps you’ve always had the attitude that the holidays are a vacation from eating well and physical movement. At the same time you might really want to continue what you’ve started, so you can feel good about following through on your commitments. Or, instead of going to church with your family, you’d rather explore your spirituality in your own way.

Whatever it is, you want to write a compelling list of whys. The “whys” are what keep you inspired to follow through on what you want to achieve. Pull this list out when you start to waver or give in to social pressure.

Plan ahead.

You’re crystal clear on what you want and why you want it. Now it’s critical to make it happen. And really, it is up to you. Remember, your friends and family will expect the same behaviors you’ve expressed in the past. It’s important to give a “heads up” to anyone impacted by the changes you’ve decided to make. For example, in the past you may have given in to your aunt’s prodding to eat two huge pieces of her chocolate mousse cake, when you only want to eat half a piece. Or there might be a party you’ve always attended, but you don’t want to attend this year. Or instead of spending money you don’t want to spend, you decide to make homemade gifts this year.

Whatever it is, plan ahead so that you’re prepared to stick your ground. You want to practice telling your aunt, “No thank you” when she tries to get you to eat another piece of cake. Think about what you’ll say when you tell your friend you won’t be at her party this year. Remember, these things are important to you. You don’t want to cave into social pressure or allow guilt to overwhelm you.

Get creative.

Are there things you still want to do but you want to do them differently? Let’s say you love the convenience of having Thanksgiving dinner at your house, but you don’t want to prepare all the food. Consider having a potluck, asking other people to bring certain dishes. Or you buy some of the food already prepared. There are always options when you’re open to them.

Have a regular routine.

Despite the holiday rush, having a rhythm to your day keeps you centered. This includes waking and going to bed at the same time each day, getting enough sleep, taking time for yourself, eating well and getting enough physical activity.

Create your day.

Upon awakening, take time each day to intend how your day will go. In other words, envision your day going exactly the way you want. Here’s an example: “I’m excited about the day. I feel refreshed and energized during and after my morning walk. The drive to pick up my mother from the airport goes great! I listen to my new book on CD on the way there, and the time just flies by. On the way home, we have a great conversation about how she’s been doing.”

fhi RESOURCES

BOOKS
Instant Calm: Over 100 Easy-to-Use Techniques for Relaxing the Mind and Body, by Paul Wilson (Penguin Group, 1995)

First Things First, by Stephen R. Covey (Fireside, 1994)

Write It Down, Make It Happen: Knowing What You Want and Getting It, by Henriette Anne Klauser (Fireside, 2000)

Real Food Daily Cookbook: Really fresh, Really Good, Really Vegetarian, by Anne Gentry (Ten Speed Press, 2005)